Chances are if you are reading this it’s because I told you to. That is for good reason, The contents of this blog article are important as they detail my gender identity, why I chose it, and what it means for you.
In short, I identify as Non-Binary (Not male or female), use They/Them/Theirs pronouns (However I will accept the use of He/Him/His at the moment), and expect you to respect my decision.
Non-Binary is a gender identity that describes a person who does not feel attached to either Male or Female. It is used (optionally) as an umbrella term in place of more specific language. 1
For me, I don’t feel that I fully identify with the societal expectations of the male gender, nor do I feel that the label of male defines me properly. At the same time I do not identify as female. To me, it seems only logical that if I don’t feel comfort within either of the two binary options I should seek out the third option.
In general, I present myself more in line with the traditional image of masculinity. However, this is likely to change since I have slowly become more comfortable expressing more feminine traits. This has extended to my wardrobe choices with me finally purchasing clothes that would otherwise be considered “girly”. If you know me in person you might have already seen this, and if not I doubt it’s that long until you do. You might feel uncomfortable at first, but I can assure you that isn’t my intention, in fact my intention is to improve my own comfort.
I’d like to hope that you appreciate my honesty and openness, and continue to treat me with the respect you have in the past.
I’m now going to try and answer all the questions that you might be wanting to ask if I miss anything please feel free to reach out and ask your question respectfully.
No — My parents gave me a great name, and I’m very happy with it.
Yes — Or at least I’m as sure as I can be.
Probably — No solid answers here, It’s entirely up to how I feel. But at the moment as I write this behemoth of a blog post, I feel more comfortable as Non-Binary and using ‘They/Them/Theirs’ as my pronouns.
If at some point in the future I feel differently then I hope you will all accept my feelings as valid and enjoy the journey with me.
No — And if you’re asking this question take a moment to think why you asked it. I doubt anyone I know would think this, but if you do then you’re devaluing me and my opinion by making that assumption.
Yes — But also maybe no…
This deserves a whole article of its own, but in short as I am no longer male it’s not technically correct to call my sexual orientation homosexual. This is not to say I am no longer attracted to men.
I can’t fully put into words my sexuality since it tends to fluctuate slightly over time. I guess the shortest way to put it is; I know if I’m attracted to someone, and on average that someone is going to be male.
I use they/them/theirs as they are gender-neutral pronouns. They are also able to be used in the singular and have been used as such since the 14th century.
In face history is full of people debating for and against the use of ‘They/Them’ in the singular. I personally don’t find anything odd.
Take the example, “somebody left their coat behind.” in this context it is obvious that there is only 1 person. Secondly, it’s unnecessary to specify a gender since it is unknown.
I find that in general I use singular ‘They/Them’ quite often in daily communication since there are many scenarios where using the gendered pronouns is just a waste of brainpower.
Also, since this is my decision I am allowed to choose my pronouns. And to be quite honest I much prefer ‘They/Them/Theirs’ over the other gender-neutral alternatives.
Unfortunately I can’t help you with that. I can only educate you on why I use them as my pronouns. I don’t expect you to get it right at first, nor do I expect you to find it easy. I know it’s going to be hard using different words than you’re used to.
I will however correct you if you get it wrong. This isn’t me being rude, but simply me trying to help you get better at using my correct pronouns in the future.
If however, you go out of your way to purposefully misgender me and use the wrong pronouns, I will be disappointed. It says that you don’t care enough about me and don’t hold enough respect for my autonomy and free will. Instead, you wish to impose your view of who I am over how I wish to be presented.
In that case use whatever your language’s masculine pronouns are for the time being. If/When your language develops gender-neutral pronouns you can start using them. Maybe you could even be the person who develops them (But no pressure, I don’t expect you to change a language just for me)
If you already have cards for me that use male gendered wording then please use them first, on no account should you make waste on my behalf.
If you’re buying new cards then you should look for ones that are gender-neutral. If you can’t find one then you can always make a card. (My favourite cards are always the ones where people have made the effort to make their own).
At the moment, I am not fully set on what to use as my honorific. 2 But I am likely to use “Mx.” Which is the gender-neutral alternative to Mr or Mrs.
If you’re unsure how to pronounce “Mx.” It’s exactly as it looks. If you know the IPA alphabet it’s pronounced /məks/ (Or at least that’s the pronunciation I prefer). The ə (schwa) being the neutral sound in English a sort of low effort uh. The sound at the end of “comma”. This page should help a little.
Some people also expand it to mixter, but I don’t because that’s just more syllables, and I’d prefer to be succinct in speech.
I can’t give you an objective factual answer, but I’d guess that it’s partly because there’s more public conversation about it. It’s now more acceptable to be open about feeling different than what society says you should be.
There’s also the fact that the Internet and some more progressive traditional media exposes people to ideas that they may have been shielded from (for either good or bad intentions) giving them the knowledge of the option. It’s not exactly possible to take an option if you don’t know it exists.
There is a conspiracy theory going around that people are being indoctrinated into anything outside the still rather rigid walls of society by the Internet (and phones specifically). But I think a lot of this comes from sensationalist media and the feedback loop that happens within the groups of people who uphold these theories. I’m sure every generation will remember something that their parents generation blamed for something, or vilified for false corroboration of information.
It’s also worth noting that correlation does not mean causation. The logical fallacy “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc” (latin for “after this, therefore, because of this.”) comes about when people notice a pattern.
For example:
If you look at those events in isolation you could say “The rooster makes the sun rise!” But as you know how the sun works you can see how that is a foolish and incorrect statement. The rooster doesn’t make the sun rise.
You can see some examples of odd correlations on this website
Alright, this is going to be a whole load of hot takes (Possibly shocking or controversial statements). But all I am going to say is founded in my own understanding of factual information.
Firstly, I doubt that when The Bible was being written, and even translated, the authors had any idea of what the world would be like so many generations in the future. It is unlikely that the answers to everything that we see in the modern day will be found within it.
Secondly, I don’t believe the translations to be 100% accurate. Nor do I believe the original texts to be perfect. I am aware that there are people who believe The Bible to be the total and accurate truth, and that its contents are free of any error. There are also biblical literalists who take its words at face value. In my opinion The Bible is more nuanced and needs to be read within context. I see it more like a combination between the documentation of history, and a guide to life. The Bible makes a lot of points through parable and allegory, often alluding to things and making you do the thinking to come to a conclusion. However, I’m sure many people know that nuance through text is a very difficult thing to manage. And through the many translations and edits (E.G the deuterocanonical books) it is likely that some meanings have been altered. Note, some people say that the closeness of the Dead Sea Scrolls is evidence that the Bible has never been edited. But I would say it is still very likely. The Bible talks of events in Pre-History that would have been passed on through oral tradition. Think of playing Chinese Whispers. And we cannot be certain that our interpretation of the languages is the same as it was when they were first authored.
Thirdly, As a Christian when I read The Bible the one thing that leaps out to me is the message of Gods unending love. And the forgiveness of sin through Jesus. Jesus, the man who was friends with sinners, healed the sick, touched the lepers. The man who died on a cross for the forgiveness of all sins A message that is told to us time and time again, “Love thy neighbour as thyself,” A message of love and respect for the entirety of humanity.
The last thing I will say about this is, if you’re going to live your life hating people because you think a book says you should, I am not going to stop you. I will make no attempt to stop you using The Bible to defend your viewpoint. It’s not my place to do that. But I can and will make every attempt to avoid you, because I don’t need that type of energy in my life.
If you got all the way to the end of this then congratulations. I had no idea how long this was going to be and I didn’t impose a word limit on myself either.
This shouldn’t change how you interact with me. And it doesn’t change anything about me. It’s simply a way of expressing how I feel about myself.